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Thursday, May 1, 2008 @ 11:43 AM
Feelings for her...i still do... It has been 3 years.....3 years of knowing her and then we fell for each other. I have to say i remembered every moment of laughter, sorrow and almost everything you guys can ever imagine of when you're in love with a person so special. So special that you even can forget about the pain in the past and forget about the time you wish you were never been born. The every second smile given by her is like a hypnotising cursing spell. Making you smile as she smiles to you..... No problems in communicating, no awkward conversation. Every lame sentence or jokes were being accepted by both party and only laughter known to be the outcome..... No sense of shame and feeling comfortable being with each other. Sharing stories and telling secrets that is not even known by own family or friends, sharing problems and hope it could be settled by the help from one. Since the first i fell for her, it really didnt stop. I really liked her. It was so comfortable being with her. Knowing her for soo long has made me feel that way. And i swear that was the first time in my whole life that i felt that way.That i speak from my heart. Ever since she got into my life, i have never thought about cheating her nor to hurt her. I have never even got attracted to any other girls. I did my best not to make her feel jealous or what so ever. I did my best to be a great guy for her and the best she could ever have. I did my best to treat her like someone very special and like she's my first priority. I just want her to be happy and myself to be happy with her. I did everything i could for her. Everything that i can afford to lose. I spent most of my time with her and honestly i dont mind because i felt happy and calm to have her right beside me. I loved her soo much.. Then things changed like as if the earth just exploded into peices in a blink of an eye. Shattering feelings inside of me which i hate when it happens when things just goes wrong. Especially when i try to make it better, it just wont be any better. She broke us up becuase i made a minor silly mistake.I said i was sorry and i knew the mistake i did. And i even told her how much i love her still. I even fetched her from work hoping that she knows my feelngs and how sorry i am. She did'nt even let me have the chance to change or make things better like before..... She didnt want any commitment she said... she's already tired to be in a relationship she said... she wants to study and concentrate she said... But in the end she told me she likes someone else. I kept thinking about it...how could she even do this to me. Just knowing that guy for a few weeks and she likes him. I mean i have known her for 4 years. And all this while she have been thinking about getting rid of me for another whoever. I don't understand. Her every reasons are her lies. Lies just to get me off her shoulders. I'm like a dandruff being swept away of her. I'm like a toy which she bought 4 years ago and now that there are new ones to play with, i'm being put away or worst thrown in the garbage. To be honest again, i dont feel like a toy but her shit. Being flushed and never to be seen again. I'm like the food she ate yesterday. Maybe that guy is just better than me... After thinking about what she's done to me now, i dont think there's a need to ..... i dont even know what to say already. I am just speechless about what's going on now. I really miss being with her, i miss her as in who i loved before. I really do.. |
